Sounds Like A Love Confession To Me
by putputters
Summary: Draco decides to write Potter a hate letter. A hate letter that mentions all of his stupid traits that Draco loves. Zabini tells him he's pants at trying to woo people and insists on helping him win over Potter.


AN: I was sleep-deprived when I wrote this. Dunno if I'll finish it. This fic doesn't make sense, HAHAHA

*edit*. Please go to my Archive of Our Own profile (putputters) to continue reading the chapters after this. The rest is explicit and I don't think it should be on FF lol.

XXX

"'Dear Potter,'... No, that sounds like I'm chummy with him," Draco said as he caressed his cheek with the fluffy end of his quill.

"Draco, what is it that you're doing? I haven't seen you this amused since you filled Weasley's robe pockets with dead rats last month." Zabini plopped himself onto Draco's bed as he curiously eyed the parchment the blond was writing on at the desk.

His quill scratched down a greeting ("Just 'Potter' will work.") before he nonchalantly said, "I'm writing a hate letter, filled with all of the blackness of the depths of my heart. Now shut up, I'm trying to concentrate."

Draco stared at the wall for a few moments, thinking of what to write. He had a few good ideas and after a sound of approval left his mouth, the feather of his quill flickered as he got to work.

Zabini hopped off of the bed and quietly walked up to the back of Draco's chair, peering over his shoulder to get a good look at the letter. He read, "'Potter. I hate your stupid messy black hair, that stupid scar on your forehead, your stupid shining emerald eyes, the stupid way you laugh, your stupid smile, your stupid pink lips, your stupid'-" Zabini turned to Draco with questioning eyes and asked, "This sounds more like a love confession, are you sure this is a hate letter?"

Draco laughed.

"Also, I thought you'd have better grammar than that. That's really shitty English, I'll have you know. You won't be wooing anyone, forget Potter, with that poor excuse of a written language," he added.

Draco laughed even harder. "Wooing? What in Merlin's name are you talking about? This is hate, pure and raw, written on this piece of parchment," he said as he waved the sheet in front of Zabini's face.

"No comment on your amazing English skills?"

"This is a hate letter. To Potter. I don't need to try THAT hard," he said as he rolled his eyes. Draco shouldn't have expected Zabini to understand that straight-up bluntness was the way to go for making sure a Gryffindor knew how you felt. And he'd be damned before he ever wrote anything other than shitty letters for shitty Potty.

Zabini chuckled and sat on the corner of Draco's desk. "Have it your way, then." He kept quiet for but a moment before his eyes sparkled with mischief as he suggested, "You know what you should add? Talk about his 'stupid' arse. He's as flat as a pancake."

"No he's not! Have you seen that arse? Dear gods, it's nice and plump, looks ready for squeezing. Have you seen it from behind while he's on a broomstick, you have no idea what that does to my cock. I've wanked over that image for yea-" He stopped once he realized what he just admitted to. Then he glared at Zabini and muttered, "You fucking sneaky bastard."

"It's my job," he said as he shrugged with a smirk plastered onto his face. "So, you've got the hots for Potter and you're writing him a ridiculous love letter," he paused as he took another look at the parchment. "Actually, you should just substitute 'stupid' with 'beautiful'. Potter's so dense, he might actually think you're insulting him."

Draco glared with eyes that practically said, "I'm the only one who can insult him!"

Zabini rolled his eyes and lifted his hands up in surrender. "I'm just trying to help, Draco. I'm a master at matchmaking."

"Bullshit! Who have you ever gotten together?"

He lifted up his fingers as he listed the pairs, "Finnigan and Thomas, Nott and Creevey, aaand Crabbe and Goyle."

Draco grimaced. "Blaise, why the hell are all your pairs gay? And oh gods, I didn't need to get the image of my two followers together. I now know who to strangle every time I see those two dunderheads making disgusting love faces at each other. " His hands groped at the air in front of him, as if to show Zabini an example of what was to come to him.

Zabini laughed and shrugged. He said, "Because men are much easier to understand than women. The cock comes first and foremost, before any matters of the heart. It was easy to get yours riled up by mentioning Potter's arse, wasn't it?"

He groaned and shooed away his best friend with a lazy hand movement. "Begone, you vile vermin. I've got a hate letter to write."

"Good luck, Draco! You'll need it," he laughed on his way out.

Draco waited until he heard the door close shut before he continued writing. "'And your stupid plump arse'. Yep, that sounds about right." He found an envelope and hummed in contentment as he folded the letter and placed it in. "Time to send it to Potty," he smirked.

XXX

The next morning, Draco had a stroke of luck as he spotted Potter alone, walking towards the Great Hall. The corners of his mouth twitched as he walked increasingly faster towards Potter. He caught up to him and fisted the collar of Potter's shirt as he slammed him against the wall. Damn, Potter looked great pressed against the wall.

He sneered, "Good morning, Potty. I trust you had a nice time in detention yesterday?"

Potter glared and spat, "Thanks to you, Malfoy. You and your stupid pranks in Potions have got me cutting up nasty ingredients with the Git for a week."

"Tut tut, Scarhead. You have no evidence of me doing such things," he said with a devious smile.

Potter got angry and tried to get in Draco's face, but the fist at his collar kept him in his place. "I know it was you! I saw you Wingardium Leviosa-ing all the wrong ingredients into my cauldron!"

Draco's free hand slipped the envelope into the pocket of Potter's robe as his smile widened. Then he leaned in close, next to Potter's ear, as he whispered seductively, "Shall I make up for it then, by putting all the-" he ground his lower half against Potter's, "-right ingredients into your... Cauldron?"

There was a gasp as Potter's body trembled against his and Draco could feel the rhythm of Potter's heartbeat where their crotches met. He pulled back to look at his face and noticed Potter looking a tad flushed; he could feel the Gryffindor's body slowly heating up. Potter's green eyes were dilated as they met his and he noticed the shock of realization on Potter's face before he broke eye contact and turned his head away from Draco. Draco smiled and got off of him, he laughed at the mumbled curse words from Potter, then walked into the Great Hall.

Draco sat his arse between Parkinson and Zabini, as usual, and waited for Potter to open the letter when he got to his seat. Zabini gave him a raised eyebrow, which he answered to with a smirk and a glance over at where Potter sat in between Weasley and Granger.

"So you found a way to give it to him," Zabini commented.

"Just a little morning harassment to show how serious I am about hating him." Draco smiled and took a bite of toast.

Parkinson looked at the two curiously and asked, "Hate who?"

"No one," Both boys simultaneously said.

She huffed and went back to eating her breakfast.

It was a few moments before Zabini tapped Draco's shoulder and tilted his head in Potter's direction.

Draco watched closely as Potter inspected the letter he pulled out of his robe's pocket. Apparently he deemed it safe to open and opened it in privacy under the table. He noticed Potter's eyes flickering left and right across the page before Potter's face reddened and he stuffed the letter back into the envelope and into his trouser pocket. Draco felt the pat of approval on his back from Zabini and grinned.

Zabini smiled and asked in a quiet voice, "Well it looks like he's got the message, how long do you think it will be before you two shag like the hormone-driven boys you are?"

"Hopefully soon," Draco murmured back. "I've been pining over that arsehole for years."


End file.
